0600 — each consent control gets its own answer, and Accept all gets its own component

Context

[0599] shipped the cookie notice with one act-two face whose headline was drawn from a five-entry pool, reached identically by any of act one’s four controls. Building on it showed the draw was working against the joke: the punchline that lands is the one that answers the button the reader actually pressed, and a random headline throws that away. The pool also made every control interchangeable, when their comedy is not — Accept all deserves a consequence the other two do not.

Decision

The pressed control is the whole input. [0599] otherwise stands: still the site’s privacy note, still its own surface, still one answer per browser.

• answers.ts is a Record<ConsentButton, ConsentAnswer> — one entry per control, nothing drawn at random. It is a discriminated union, { face: 'modal' } | { face: 'bar'; content: Answer }, so the modal answer carries no content and the compiler refuses any read of one. That guard caught a stale reference the moment it was introduced.
• Three controls, not four: the Cookie policy link was cut.
• Reject non-essential and Manage preferences rewrite the bottom bar in place through the shared cookie-answer component. Accept all gets accept-all-modal, its own component with its own veil, box, copy and stylesheet, free to diverge as far as it wants — which it immediately did.
• The split is three components because one stylesheet would have run ~110 lines past the ~80-line rule, not because the shapes differ.

Accept all’s consequence, built on that freedom:

• The page stutters first (helpers/page-stutter): hard opacity blinks in the base layer plus scroll jolts, and the modal opens the instant the animation ends. The shove is a SCROLL, never a transform — a transform on the page becomes the containing block for every position: fixed child and would fling the consent bar to the document bottom mid-animation. The animationend listener checks event.target, since a descendant’s animation ending would otherwise cut the stutter short.
• A routing and account number type out a digit at a time over a dark --color-hacked-veil, with memes pasted around the box. The numbers are noise generated per opening, but the shape is real: 9-digit routing with a valid ABA checksum and a genuine Federal Reserve district prefix, 12-digit account. A number of the wrong length reads as a prop.
• memes.ts declares each file once — natural size, and whether it takes the card border — then places it as many times as it appears.

Consequences

• Adding a control is an entry in answers.ts; the Record type makes a missing one a compile error.
• The images load only when the modal renders, confirmed by net log: a plain page load requests neither. The island chunk carrying the modal’s markup and tables is 3.4 KB gzipped on every page, accepted as small enough to leave static.
• The meme art is Nickelodeon’s and sits in website/public/, so a build publishes it. It is local preview only and must be swapped for CC0 or CC BY art before the site ships; the roadmap carries that.
• [0599]‘s randomized pool and its Cookie policy control no longer exist.